November 2016
Tammy Guest posted an interesting video blog a week or two ago. It was about remembering your strengths, the things that make you special and of which you should be proud. About remembering your achievements. About remembering the things that you might gloss over in an effort to not stand out, not sound arrogant or simply because you don’t think they’re important enough to share. The things that you might hide from others for fear of being different or not accepted. Tammy asked people to own their achievements and remember that “you are amazing” (I actually have a beautiful business card with that same statement on it, handed to me one day out of the blue by a member of The Sista Code).
Lately I’ve been second guessing a lot of my photography. I’ve been ill, stuck in bed, miserable and with a lot of time on my hands. So I took the opportunity to revisit my early photography. I found myself shaking my head at shots that I thought were OK at the time. I started beating myself up about writing a blog; what were my credentials to write it? How could I think I had something worthwhile to share with others? I’m in awe of the talent of so many others, what makes me so special?
Tammy’s advice about remembering “all the pieces of your life and letting them shine” was timely. When I thought about what those things were for me, I realised that I do have my own unique story to tell. And that my story influences anything I choose to do, including photography.
So I’m choosing to share some things about me. These are things I often gloss over but are important parts of me, my own life thumb-print. I’m not syaing I didn’t find this exercise difficult, because I did. I felt (and feel) vulnerable for sharing; it’s a little scary. But I need to get my mojo back and my written word is, in a way, a commitment to that.
- Nerd-dom. I am (and like) being a science nerd. I have a Science degree and a Graduate Diploma in Natural Resources. I wrote a paper at Uni on parthenogenesis that received a near-perfect score and blew my lecturer away; I still like thinking about it. And I love Doctor Who, Star Trek, the Marvel and DC universes (live long and prosper peeps).
- Exploration. Halfway through my Uni degree, in support of my passion to ‘save the environment’, I applied to attend an ANZSES (Australia and New Zealand Scientific Exploration Society) expedition to the Daintree region in Queensland. The 6 week expedition entailed studying native flora and fauna in relatively remote forest areas: hiking with backpacks, camping without tents (just flys), isolation, fortnightly mail drops. My family weren’t ‘outdoorsy’ so at that point in my life I’d never really been camping at all, let alone roughing it. To my surprise, I was accepted. I spent the next few months anxiously pondering what I’d gotten myself into and how I would survive it. But I did survive and weirdly, thrived. There were a lot of firsts: first time travelling solo, first camping experience, first Christmas away from family. Having always struggled with confidence (before the expedition it was at an all time low) I think part of me applied to go because deep down I knew I needed to do something to believe in myself again. It worked. It was a massive achievement for me and a major turning point in my life.
- First job. My first job out of Uni took me to the inland NSW town of Moree. I worked for the Australian Agricultural Health Unit based in the local hospital grounds and so moved temporarily into the nurse’s quarters when I arrived. I enjoyed it so much I lived there for my entire Moree career. I made friends and embraced the opportunity to explore the countryside. I was on a steep learning curve, having no experience of rural life – yet required to work with the farming community. My amazing boss gave me the freedom to find my own path and I made it work. So much so that I presented our program to the 12th Congress of the International Association of Agricultural Medicine and Rural Health in Stockholm, Sweden and was subsequently published in the Annals of Agricultural and Environmental Medicine. I went from a Novocastrian nerd to a reasonable authority on pesticides and human health issues in farming communities. Those four and a half years in Moree were incredibly special. I discovered I was not too shabby at educating grown-ups and I experienced my first love. I learned, I grew, I conquered lots of fears and did some really good work. It was a fantastic time in my life.
- Solo travel. Travelling to Stockholm was the first time I’d been overseas. It was too good an opportunity not to stay longer and explore beyond Sweden, so I did. I travelled solo to Greece and the Greek Islands, then onward to Europe. There were some challenges along the way (passport, anyone?) but it was the best thing I could have done. My highlights: The Greek Islands – everything, everywhere, beautiful. To save money I bought only bread and tzatziki for dinner each night. At every dining establishment, without fail I was asked if I was alone (“yes”), given a sad smile (“really, it’s OK”) and free ouzo (“wow, thanks!”). I shared drinks with the staff at most places after closing time and had a ball. Greece – in Athens I was taken under the wing of two self-professed Italian mafia men who spoke broken english and were hilarious. The carried rolls of fat cash in their pockets and were, I suspect, exactly who they said they were. England – Kew Gardens was amazing. I spent an entire day strolling, taking photos and even napped under a tree for an hour or two between reading my book. Bliss. Paris – the left bank, the cafes, Montmatre, the list is long. Switzerland – it was summer so Lindt chocolate was cheap. For a few days, I ate it morning, noon and night. My face broke out but it was worth it.
- Resilience. I survived a marriage breakdown. Unless you’ve been through it, it’s hard to explain this one. No-one ever grows up planning to get divorced. Despite my self-professed ‘smarts’ I married a pathological liar whose true self was revealed when I discovered he was seeing someone else. At the time I was devastated and would have done anything to make it work – because I’d signed up for life. He left me and was spotted out with his girlfriend almost immediately. In coming weeks I was rung by his boss (he was apparently in trouble at work), and even the Police (this one involved performance-enhancing drugs). Looking back, I’m grateful he left because staying with him would have destroyed me. Through my grief, I learned how resilient and strong I really am. And I am so, so, so much better off and happier now.
- My blended family. I’m really proud of my blended family and how it works. My partner and I have a daughter together and he has a son from his first marriage. I have known my step-son since he was born and he has been part of my own family since he was 2. His mother, my partner and I are friends and committed to co-parenting. We had a combined family dinner at our place recently in honour of his soccer final. Our daughter knows only this family life and simply accepts that families are a mix of people and relationships. My own family embraces my step-son as part of theirs too, and our daughter regularly includes her brother’s Mum in her family drawings. We make it work and it’s one of my proudest achievements.
- My creative self. In previous jobs I’ve managed many creative projects (art competitions, education project design, partnership work) and I enjoyed the work immensely. In my current working life I have more freedom than ever to be creative, as part of my role involves managing marketing for a statewide agency. I don’t have any formal marketing background or quals, and I still have moments where I feel like a fraud. When I shared this fear with Tara O’Connell (entrepreneur and creator of The Baby Diaries) she said to me “So what? Just because you don’t have a piece of paper doesn’t mean you can’t do it. You’re winning awards. You’re doing a great job. You have so much experience. You’re doing it.” Point taken. Thanks Tara!
- Awards. I think a lot of people (women in particular) tend to gloss over their formal accolades for fear of being perceived as too proud, too egotistical or just “full of themselves”. Why do we do that? So here goes: I manage a marketing campaign that has won ‘excellence in marketing” awards for three consecutive years and received a Hall of Fame induction this year. It’s officially a big deal. And of course, there’s the award that started this blog, the Herald Summer Photography award. I’m pretty proud of that one. It was a big boost to my confidence at the time and a reminder to keep doing what I love.
- Photography. I am my worst critic here, but I am learning that I’m also allowed to be proud. There are many, many better photographers out there than me. Of course there is! Professionals and emerging…so many photographers whose work I admore and find inspirational. Some of them I work with, some are friends or family, some I admire from afar. But every now and again I take a damn good photo too, one that “just works” and its pure happiness.
I will continue to write this blog and take lots of photos (so many photos!). I’m proud of feeling brave enough to put my voice out there amongst the tens of thousands of others in blog-land. I’m grateful someone encouraged me to revisit some of the things that make me special. And just at the right time too. The universe is funny like that.
